Thursday, June 26, 2008

Charred Hotdogs

Entry for May 29, 2007


The weekend was filled with Tang dynasty dances, charred hotdogs, and zoo passes. Ava ran and played while the sermon was preached on spiritual warfare. We sat in the shade of the pavilion and watched two Indian men undulate to music laced with bad poetry. “Embrace perfection, eliminate fear. Reach out to your true nature.” I pictured Fitzgerald’s Gatsby reaching toward his green light in East Egg. The top 500 classic rock songs played on the radio this weekend. I tried to hear them all. I fell asleep at the very end, exhausted from the weekend. I wonder what number one was? Like a rolling stone? The Indianapolis 500 was rained out. I saw the winning driver drinking his milk inside a warehouse that held all the cars. Cheapened. I wonder if anyone noticed the rain was on its way before they started? Why not hold it earlier?

Ava dances now. Leah came over and saw her dancing to the music coming out of her basketball play set. She wiggles back and forth while smiling. To join in with her true joy. Leah recognized Ava is her own person, and loved her. She questioned how it is that familiarity breeds familiarity. You know…why people who are together for so long lose sight of the beauty inside each other. I suppose she is correct. The people who live at Niagara falls can’t take pictures every day. I don’t know if I think it’s a shame or not…familiarity. Perhaps it just goes to show the triumph of love. Like all those Thanksgivings and Christmases that went south, but we are still a family.

When Xin was pregnant people asked me if I wanted to know if the baby was a boy or girl. I answered “of course”. I wanted to know everything I could about her. Love seeks familiarity and familiarity grows love…or something like that. The more I know the more there is to love. I don’t hate something I truly know. I can only love it for all of its flaws. When I had a hard time with Joe, I pointed out Joe’s flaws. Brian reminded me “that is what makes Joe Joe.” flaws and all we are in this together. So I fall away to the side that embraces familiarity. Step on my toes, but we will dance.

Brian is a psychologist. Brian analyses character.

This place is like a desert. Business books are its sand. The patrons slowly die of thirst reading the journals about finance and management. Conversation is like a cool breeze that wakes one up from the heat. Life? No, just a passing hope.

My people have become jokes, punching bags. Where did we lose sight of Jesus’ plan? The worldly voices drip with their answers and accusations. “hypocrites, at least we know who we are. We don’t pretend to be Godly.”

No comments: